Squirrel at the Bird Feeder

Anyone who feeds the birds in wintertime has to reckon with squirrels, and they can prove to be ingenious in their endeavors to master bird feeders.

Squirrel at the Bird Feeder

Arms folded and standing upright on the snowy deck railing, he fixed me with the unblinking stare of a gambler analyzing his opponent. On second thought, the rodent resembled more of a plump cowpoke chewing over a problem. I could almost hear the whirring of small scale cogs in his nut sized brain as he planned a course of attack for the "ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET!" behind him.

Like an unexpected gust of wind, the fluffy tailed miscreant whipped down to the ground and attempted to shinny up the pole, but couldn't get a grip. Kept sliding backwards. He either a) failed the gym class in rope climbing or b) scrapped his Weight Watcher's plan.

In either case, he would have never won an athletic competition even among friends.  He simply couldn't muster a strong performance. Not to mention the chub factor. Or so I thought. Ten minutes later I freaked at the sight of him in the middle of the tray, shoveling in the treats, fat rump towards me as my tea kettle raged behind me.

Window banging and a shriek of profanity hot as the pot roiling on my stove grabbed his attention. The brute vaulted off the feeder like a gymnast with a perfect, if untimely, dismount. That's when two of his buddies moved into my sights. They appeared to be judging his overall performance, certain they could do better. The pair scaled the pole like seasoned stuntmen as the demented lady, once again, bellowed behind the glass pane. Granted, pounding on the table added to the din, prompting those two to leap to the ground. But it also promised a beast of a bruise.

Tube of grease in my throbbing hand, I marched into the cold. Metal rod waiting. Birds observing. Squirrels reconnoitering. Opening battle to me. Flushed with success, I felt energized as Napoleon on his way to conquer the world.

And we all know how that played out.

Marilyn Aschoff Mellor